I was used to seeing myself more as a helpless victim of a ruthless world, but some magical moment pushed me towards the insight: My point of view is my own creation. I mostly cannot control the universe surrounding me, but I apparently can affect my interpretation, and thus, my inner sense of meaning.
What an enormous responsibility! Of course I could have gone on blaming whatever for the tendency of things to not always go the way I want or expect them to, but both my intellect and my emotion would have labeled that impractical and dishonest. Instead, driven forth by several encouraging experiences, I started to twist myself towards a new state of awareness, accepting just how much of my reality is my own creation. The outside seems to be a neutral stream of information that presents itself to me through different kinds of stimulus. I create meaning.
I create meaning, it's born inside, in my brain, in my mind.
Life can at times be agonizing. The pain of relationships strike hard, or I shred my fingers while fondling my guitar. Life sometimes radiates suffering. The stimulus is persistent. This is how it feels like. The intensity of being sometimes assumes ridiculoulsy pompous forms. How can such an enormous ocean of bursting emotion fit itself inside one little human being? From time to time, I've catched myself longing for a cushy life without suffering, but really, why should life be all cushy? Who would want to take part in a game with no challenge?
Yearning for the impossible life without pain doesn't seem to be a very practical approach. What is practical, then? Learning to accept. I accept my feelings. Instead of running away, I surrender, giving my experience room to breathe. Sometimes all the acceptance pisses me off, and then I accept that too. I don't always have the strength to be positive - I accept. It's ok to feel like this.
Eventually, life forces us to face every one of our feelings. Intellectual understanding doesn't strip away emotion, but can help in structurizing and building trust. Intellect and emotion can't (and shouldn't) replace each other. They can find balance, they like to go hand in hand.
Slowly, the alchemical reaction inside is gaining momentum. Shit is starting to transform into gold. I don't have to run away from my experience any more; Positive attitude can expand to embrace everyxperience. It's not an easy challenge - sometimes it dances on the border of being intolerable.
But something has changed inside. Complaint doesn't bear rewards - complaining makes dis-ease a constant. It's apparent that the fundamental principles of universe won't change no matter how much I whine, so what would I wanna fight against? My path has been blessed with extremely rough and painful experiences. What are the things that have been practical, real and effective, here and now? Learning to tune in. Learning to accept, to become aware, to love every single experience.
Surprise. Everything is starting to shine. I will encounter difficult experiences but positive attitude seems to sustain itself. Around me, I channel beauty and a thirst for life, and it all gets reflected into every direction, including back towards me, multiplying itself. A feedback loop. Euphoria grows and I find inspiration for really taking care of my well-being. My body opens up and strengthens itself, blockages in my muscles release their hold and my mind finally finds room to breathe. People look attractive and the universe just tastes good.
Might this be what karma is about.
Pessimism symbolizes irresponsibility and laziness. It seems to be about running away, sheltering oneself, a self-fulfilling prophecy, assumptions presuming that hu-man is just a puppet entangled in a struggle created by an evil, obnoxious world. The pessimist may argue hir stance by repeating the mantra "a pessimist is never disappointed", but according to my observations (and my own experience), the pessimist does get disappointed and hurt over and over again, after inciting and thus ensuring failure. In hir psychosis, the pessimist shows great talent for finding proof for any of hir negative attitudes.
At its most powerful, optimism springs from raw, honest observation. Life forms according to its own will, and I decide whether I want to navigate the stream. As more and more unbelievable possibilities start to reveal themselves, it seems a pain to even consider mildewed passivity and an identity of a victim. To me, optimism just seems the only possibility that's not intellectually or emotionally dishonest.
I wonder - where do we catch the obsession of trying to control everything? Struggling against the world tends to get reflected back like excreting against the wind.
Struggling for the world also gets reflected back. This is called synergy. I tune in surrounding realities, trying to understand how the stream flows, and little by little, I learn to listen to possibility. It's like surfing - the stream can't be forced but you can just throw yourself in. Every moment is gushing with possibilities, and every chosen possibility springs forth growth.
Too much hesitation makes flow impossible. You can't drive a bicycle without trust in the ability of constant movement to create balance. Still, most people don't know how to do it right away - skills increase with practice. Trust is infinitely important. Hesitation probably won't make it grow. An obsessive demand of status quo creates endless suffering. The only constant seems to be the process of change.
Evolution goes on. Everything is alive, and tuning in the change makes it blossom.
Life is rewarding me for trust and for throwing myself in. In one way or another, all my projects seem to work out - not necessarily in the way I have expected, but still they do work out. They teach me, they enrichen me, they fertilize my trust in the magic. Everything is growing stronger.
I'm slowly learning to function together, in synchronicity - not just with other people, but with omni. This is the direction evolution seems to be driving for - there's no chance of survival for the kind of selfishness that hasn't awakened to the fact that nothing is separate, that everything is breathing together as one. Life is not a zero sum game where victory for one inevitably means defeat for another. Starting to understand the rules of this game, we finally start to live according to them. An increasing number of beings can feel a winner.
In a positive way, a certain kind of selfishness does glow in the center of it all - the realization that I cannot help anyone else in a sustainable way if I neglect my own well-being. The better I feel, the better the world around me feels.
During the journey, some eat and others get eaten - the fact that teamwork tends to bring reward doesn't prevent life from being cruel at times. Suffering is a real experience, and not everybody ever learns to see how to tune into it. The strongest survive. It's a harsh game, but that's precisely where our possibilities lie in. We can mutually gain strength. We can actively heal, we can decide to create beauty, but primarily the way to accomplish that is from within - the heart of the world is located within every felt self.
The around of the heart transforms when the individual takes responsibility of the growth process. Let us nourish it.
Out of unlimited creativity, unlimited resources are born. Technology, science and inner evolution are all children of human imagination. Together, we decide what to do with our miracles.
Image from http://www.spiralmonkey.com/graphics/gearFlow.html
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